What Dreams May Come - 2017 in Review

It's 2017 and I'm two weeks away from turning 36. What has 35 been like for me? 

I started this year with brain surgery. I endured hardship, pain, fear, humiliation, depression, anxiety, unexpected weight loss, recovery, so much sleep, support, friendship, family, and what felt like the end of an era. Will I never have a seizure again? That is the goal. I took a month off my “normal” life to heal before traveling to places near and far to a take part in and celebrate a long list of weddings. 

First stop — San Diego, for Tiffany and Jason. Where I thought I’d found my own long lost love. In the months to come, I went south to watch old friends embrace new love. In Chattanooga with Aaron and Lindsay (#hoodgoeslong), Asheville with Karen and Darren (where we all bawled our eyes out #MacOlsens), and Harpers Ferry even, for Ceci and Brian (#yesfest). Between live bands, midday rivers, and late-night ribs, I continued to hold onto hope that I was on my way to a new found place. 

Turns out, flings aren’t reserved for summertime alone. Immersed in a grey area as obtuse as my own denial, I ignored the riptide — he doesn’t love me enough. Words are meaningless when it's the same old boring story. At least I’ve looked in this mirror before. The heartache is less of a surprise now, but it still hurts as much. The anger, doubled. How did I fall for this again? I cried my eyes out in sadness at my own failure to see the truth that stood before me. 

And then I cried some more as I lived the script of Four Weddings and a Funeral. In June, my Aunt Terri died. She did her best to live and love as much as she could. Without her, I may not have the capacity to never meet a stranger and to make sure my friends all know they are loved. With her guidance, I've been able to build a community in every place I've lived, and each of those friends get to meet and know the others. What's life without a blended family, after all?

So, as I pick my heart up out of the grey, it pushes me forward and I know these storm clouds will pass soon enough. Until then, I sit under my umbrella and focus on the sunshine peeking through. Along with my travels, I spent nights in New Jersey that included idols like Stevie Nicks and The Pretenders. I co-hosted a bachelorette party in Chicago with my best friends. I rode in a minivan full of smiling faces to Pennsylvania for another one a few weeks later. I planned and hosted Ladies Night: A Storytelling Event at Big Irv's that included a transgendered woman in the line up. I saw Wonder Woman and Atomic Blonde and PJ Harvey remembering again that women kick so much ass. I experienced Punderdome and reflected on the awesome capabilities of a few choice words and loud laughter. I sang along to classic hits by Hall & Oates and Tears for Fears in an old stadium in Queens. Later on, fans and I sang along with every lyric from Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers. I attended one of the Final Shows at Webster Hall, a New York City venue for the ages just to enjoy the experience. I caught The Figgs, met the band, and made my friend Tim’s year by being a part of that adventure. I won the friend lottery and got to see Hamilton: An American Musical on Broadway in the middle of a work day. I watched in awe as my uncle Tim performed in Linda Vista at Steppenwolf Theatre in Chicago with a gang of fabulous women. In fact, we are still talking about that play. 

Before the end of the year I will return to the stage to see Maggie Rogers, Ron Gallo, Kevin Mobry, Middle Kids, and Guns n’ motherfuckin' Roses! I will turn 36 shortly after seeing Lady Gaga at MSG and The Princess Bride on the big screen at Nitehawk Cinema, in that order. My best friend Michael is coming to spend the night with me in a tiny house near the beach for our last summer hoorah, and I will host a dance party to celebrate this year and the many years to come. I will make another trip to Chicago to see Brooke marry Nate before turning back to the District of Columbia to enjoy more friends stand tall and declare their love. That marks seven weddings for 2017. PHEW. 

In less romantic, theatrical, and musical moments - I made it to the beaches of North Carolina to soak up the sun with my favorite people and their children. Hard to believe we all met nearly 20 years ago! I stepped foot in the sands of beaches in California, and visited Jacob Riis for the first time in my five years in NYC! As a kid I used to pretend I was a mermaid caught in a pool waiting to be released back to the sea. Looks like I'm still that mermaid who will refuse to stop beaching it until we are all washed away. Maybe one day I'll live on a beach - wouldn't that be something...

With all these things coming up, what is there to wish for in these trying times? I always wish for love, but I think this time I will only wish for things that I can be grateful for. That I am not broken by my experiences and I still have an open heart. That I did not vote for a racist, sexist, xenophobic coward of a man to lead this country to ruin. That I voted for Hillary and that #Iamstillwithher. That I am a Nasty Woman, and that while we still have so much work to do, we have each other to keep moving forward. That I will continue to #resist. That I will not resort to casual, meaningless affairs to soothe my still broken heart because I deserve better. That I will let go of this sadness. That if this is the year of the rooster, then I’ll grab the rest of it by the cock and find a way out of this too. That, my friends, is what reflecting on a year is all about, and I am grateful. 

[SoftD] - Har Mar Superstar - 'Youth Without Love'

Composed (and produced) by Julian Casablancas, "Youth Without Love" is a classic, catchy pop hit, but without all the moody emo shit you maybe used to from The Strokes. By handing over this lost single to Sean Tillman, otherwise known as Har Mar Superstar (and no association with Father John Misty's Josh Tillman), this tune's arc turns away from corny, and heads straight to summer mix. The kind you can't help but listen to on repeat while basking (or baking?) in the sun looking for some love of your own.

Plus, his dancing is entertaining as hell.  Check out the rest of the album, it is fantastic, and features the likes of Karen O.

I Slay, All Day.

In case you haven't heard, Beyonce has dropped her new single "Formation" and it kills. Slays. Blows your mind. Takes Queen Bey to the next level of ambassador for our generation. Fuck the Millennials; this woman goes hard.    

Last night, Beyonce brought the heat to the Super Bowl 50 halftime show, laying waste to side act Coldplay (who clearly did not get the memo to dress in theme colors - gold and black, bitches).  

Even Bruno Mars, who in his own right is a fun performer and great dancer, held no candle to the Queen. Between Beyonce's dramatic, baller entrance and the MJ-inspired dance off, I could hardly feel sorry for bland Chris Martin - he was witnessing true, unmatched talent happening. An inspiration to all of us hoping to put our mark on this world; even if it means saddling up to boring-ass white dudes to make it happen. 

Everyone was worried - yes, lord, worried - about how these two (ahem, three) super stars would join forces to make a halftime show to be remembered. Well, as the New Yorker pointed out, "Would [Beyonce] provide a necessary disruption at the Super Bowl, or would she temper her message for America’s sake? Beyoncé, of course, was able to do both."

The masses have spoken, and already we have a "Bruno Mars and Beyonce ONLY" version of the half time show for you to see just how she made it happen.

    

She jumped right in, spiting lines from her new tune - no filter necessary. Bey commanded her ladies right into a male-dominated scene and turned it on its head. She's got hot sauce in her bag, like swag, guys! We can't even try to keep up. Outside the power she invoked during her performance, the song and video require even more attention from us. She blends riot gear vibes and Gucci sundries, dirty provocative lyrics, and casual yet dominant declarations such as "I just might be a black Bill Gates in the making." Through the sound, look, and lyrics, Beyonce manages to claim her star-power, her blackness, her femininity, and her Southernness all in one massive swoop. She can't say it enough, so neither will I, it slays. 

We need her and her message like we need someone with some damn sense to follow Barack Obama into office and continue to change the way we run this damn country. With people like Beyonce, who come to slay, who can dare to speak for us all while still speaking for themselves, we can only hope to keep trying to make things better. Look out for the haters too, they don't like to admit that we're the ones who really run the world (girls). Keep it up, Bey.       

RIP David Bowie

Oh, You Pretty Things - we've lost one of rock's biggest icons, David Bowie. He died at age 69, two days after his birthday and the release of his 25th studio album, Blackstar, after an 18-month struggle with cancer.

Much like his ever-changing personas, he was a force of nature too hard to nail down. For me, each part of Bowie helped shape my current taste in music, film, theater, even fashion. As I already loved musicals, seeing Labyrinth was no stretch for me, however the sexual awaking that happened was a total surprise. Seeing his name flash on the screen during each viewing of The Breakfast Club made my teenage life so much more manageable. The meaning of an icon is having no shame in the life you lead.

Once while visiting San Francisco, I picked up a used copy of a biography called Bowie: Loving the Alien by Christopher Sanford on a whim. I already loved reading music biographies, but this one was different. Being published in 1998 it was a little outdated, but learning the history of Bowie's childhood and rise to rock god fame was more than enough to propel my fandom to a whole new level. After learning that nearly everyone in his family had schizophrenia, I came to believe that Bowie probably had a touch of it too; but he was able to successfully channel it into creating new and exciting characters to explore throughout his career. It's just a theory, but he never minded speculation.

Each song, each album, each performance is tied to a great memory for me. "Oh, You Pretty Things" always makes me think of driving with Carrie Sue singing at the top of our lungs. When I sneak onto the rooftop of my office building, I pass a store called "Sound & Vision" and instantly hear that great guitar riff. No Broadways 80's Dance Night or karaoke night could ever end without "Let's Dance" or "Rebel, Rebel" coming on. And who can forget how "Fame" busted back on the scene when it was remixed for Pretty Woman. Yep. That happened, and its really weird. It's also in Copycat. But anyway...  

Let's put his music aside shortly and discuss his other passions. Art and literature. The man loved to read. So - as Queen Bitch, let me request that we be a couple of Kooks, and salute The Man Who Sold the World by digging into his Must Read Books. May we all continue Loving the Alien through his music and favorite works of literature.

David Bowie's Top 100 Must Read Books:

The Age of American Unreason, Susan Jacoby, 2008

The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, Junot Díaz, 2007

The Coast of Utopia (trilogy), Tom Stoppard, 2007

Teenage: The Creation of Youth 1875-1945, Jon Savage, 2007

Fingersmith, Sarah Waters, 2002

The Trial of Henry Kissinger, Christopher Hitchens, 2001

Mr. Wilson’s Cabinet of Wonder, Lawrence Weschler, 1997

A People’s Tragedy: The Russian Revolution 1890-1924, Orlando Figes, 1997

The Insult, Rupert Thomson, 1996

Wonder Boys, Michael Chabon, 1995

The Bird Artist, Howard Norman, 1994

Kafka Was The Rage: A Greenwich Village Memoir, Anatole Broyard, 1993

Beyond the Brillo Box: The Visual Arts in Post-Historical Perspective, Arthur C. Danto, 1992

Sexual Personae: Art and Decadence from Nefertiti to Emily Dickinson, Camille Paglia, 1990

David Bomberg, Richard Cork, 1988

Sweet Soul Music: Rhythm and Blues and the Southern Dream of Freedom, Peter Guralnick, 1986

The Songlines, Bruce Chatwin, 1986

Hawksmoor, Peter Ackroyd, 1985

Nowhere To Run: The Story of Soul Music, Gerri Hirshey, 1984

Nights at the Circus, Angela Carter, 1984

Money, Martin Amis, 1984

White Noise, Don DeLillo, 1984

Flaubert’s Parrot, Julian Barnes, 1984

The Life and Times of Little Richard, Charles White, 1984

A People’s History of the United States, Howard Zinn, 1980

A Confederacy of Dunces, John Kennedy Toole, 1980

Interviews with Francis Bacon, David Sylvester, 1980

Darkness at Noon, Arthur Koestler, 1980

Earthly Powers, Anthony Burgess, 1980

Raw (a ‘graphix magazine’) 1980-91

Viz (magazine) 1979 –

The Gnostic Gospels, Elaine Pagels, 1979

Metropolitan Life, Fran Lebowitz, 1978

In Between the Sheets, Ian McEwan, 1978

Writers at Work: The Paris Review Interviews, ed. Malcolm Cowley, 1977

The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind, Julian Jaynes, 1976

Tales of Beatnik Glory, Ed Saunders, 1975

Mystery Train, Greil Marcus, 1975

Selected Poems, Frank O’Hara, 1974

Before the Deluge: A Portrait of Berlin in the 1920s, Otto Friedrich, 1972

In Bluebeard’s Castle: Some Notes Towards the Re-definition of Culture, George Steiner, 1971

Octobriana and the Russian Underground, Peter Sadecky, 1971

The Sound of the City: The Rise of Rock and Roll, Charlie Gillete, 1970

The Quest For Christa T, Christa Wolf, 1968

Awopbopaloobop Alopbamboom: The Golden Age of Rock, Nik Cohn, 1968

The Master and Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov, 1967

Journey into the Whirlwind, Eugenia Ginzburg, 1967

Last Exit to Brooklyn, Hubert Selby Jr., 1966

In Cold Blood, Truman Capote, 1965

City of Night, John Rechy, 1965

Herzog, Saul Bellow, 1964

Puckoon, Spike Milligan, 1963

The American Way of Death, Jessica Mitford, 1963

The Sailor Who Fell From Grace With The Sea, Yukio Mishima, 1963

The Fire Next Time, James Baldwin, 1963

A Clockwork Orange, Anthony Burgess, 1962

Inside the Whale and Other Essays, George Orwell, 1962

The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, Muriel Spark, 1961

Private Eye (magazine) 1961 –

On Having No Head: Zen and the Rediscovery of the Obvious, Douglas Harding, 1961

Silence: Lectures and Writing, John Cage, 1961

Strange People, Frank Edwards, 1961

The Divided Self, R. D. Laing, 1960

All The Emperor’s Horses, David Kidd, 1960

Billy Liar, Keith Waterhouse, 1959

The Leopard, Giuseppe Di Lampedusa, 1958

On The Road, Jack Kerouac, 1957

The Hidden Persuaders, Vance Packard, 1957

Room at the Top, John Braine, 1957

A Grave for a Dolphin, Alberto Denti di Pirajno, 1956

The Outsider, Colin Wilson, 1956

Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov, 1955

Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell, 1949

The Street, Ann Petry, 1946

Black Boy, Richard Wright, 1945

2015 - Top Songs

What a year! 2015 had me exploring old favorites such as Father John Misty, Sleater-Kinney, and Alabama Shakes, as well as new comer Leon Bridges - who's take on soul is truly stunning. Between him and last year's favorite Benjamin Booker, I'm pretty impressed by these two 26 year-old Southern gents. Also top of my list - fast favorites Tame Impala, Courtney Barnett, Kurt Vile, Nathaniel Rateliff, Stufjan Stevens... well, you'll see some more below. I also squeezed in some time for hip-hop favs Missy Elliot, Rihanna, and Jersey's finest one-eyed weirdo Fetty Wap.

A few others hit my top list when I heard their album, but shattered to pieces after seeing them live (here's looking at you kid - Alex G and Viet Cong). Oh well, nobody's perfect. I got to see some amazing live music this year too, despite missing out on some greats due to sold out shows and stupid Stub Hub pricing. Israel Nash was a hoot; as was Sleater-Kinney, Mac DeMarco, Future Islands, Hozier, Ex Hex, Courtney Barnett, Father John Misty, and last but not least, The Donkeys!    

Enjoy my lovelies.

Father John Misty - 'When You're Smiling and Astride Me'

Stunning. Christine and the Queens - 'Saint Claude'

Leon Bridges - 'The River'

Alabama Shakes - 'Shoegaze'

Royal Headache - 'Wouldn't You Know'

Will Butler - "Anna" 

Kurt Vile - 'Pretty Pimpin'

Sia - 'Eye of the Needle'

Sufjan Stevens - 'Death with Dignity'

Courtney Barnett - 'Aqua Profunda!'

And And And - 'A Real Case of the Blues'

Eszter Balint - 'Departure Song'

Deerhunter - 'Snakeskin'

Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats - 'Thank You'

Jason Isbell - 'If It Takes a Lifetime' 

Tame Impala - 'The Less I Know the Better'

Ought - 'Beautiful Blue Sky'

Sleater-Kinney - 'Bury Our Friends'

Fetty Wap - '679'

If You Want a Review: Father John Misty - 'I Love You, Honeybear'

If you want to discuss the difference between Josh Tillman and his alter-ego Father John Misty, Pitchfork will take you into the depths of that.

If you want to hear about how this album came together straight from the horse's mouth, DIY Mag covers that and then some before reining it in.

If you want to dig deep into the theories about why this album fucking works, Sterogum named I Love You, Honeybear album of the week.

If you are interested in a brief artist comparison to why we can so easily love this sophomore effort, Rolling Stone is your bag. Or if you want a more intense list of artistic influences, head over to Consequence of Sound. Dear god, even the NY Times casually reviewed this shit.

If you only care about how Tillman expounds on the theme of love, The Guardian sums it up glibly with, "He’s a prolific guy, Tillman."

If you want to know more about not just the theme, but the love itself and the idea to write about, go back to 2013 when Maxwell's was still open and Spin Magazine may have paid someone to get really fucking high.

If you are uncomfortable with intimacy in your lyrics, so is Billboard. (Pussies).

If you think it's too polished, unlike Fear Fun, Pop Matters suggests that he misses the grit, but I'd be remiss to agree.

If you want to get into the right head space to listen to it for the first time, please, PLEASE read Tim Showalter's review on The Talkhouse. Then you'll understand why "that iceberg is hilarious" and why this album is so goddamn amazing.

What ever you do, just listen to it, and then cry with me about the fact that both his shows in NYC are sold out.

I Need A Lover

It's all just too much sometimes. I came across the Hamilton Leithauser cover of John Cougar's "I Need a Lover,"and just had to laugh. Not because the cover is no good, but because it reminded me so much of an ex that used to send my heart racing. I laughed because for the first time in years about this man; and even wished we still knew each other because I think he would have gotten a kick out of this and I wanted to share it.

Leithauser is the former lead singer of The Walkmen, who I was introduced to sometime in 2006/7 by the aforementioned ex. As John Cougar (Melloncamp)/Leithauser sings, "I need a lover who won't drive me crazy," I just got it, man. This former lover drove me crazy; but he also gave me orgasms I can (still) hardly shake off, songs I always sing along to, and enough cringe-worthy, mid-twenties angst to make a 90's Rom-Com from my diary entries alone. If only he hadn't broken my heart in that process, I might hunt him down and share this madness.

Oh well, I guess it's just for you.

Personal Pop Culture Hell

If I were to end up in Hell, which is likely, considering I am a heathen who abandoned my Catholic faith, and has "sinned" unceremoniously for many, many years, my Personal Pop Culture version (as inspired by The A.V. Club) would include one of the following:

People talking loudly during a movie that I have been really excited about seeing in the theater, and/or at a concert that I'm trying to enjoy. I mean, seriously, why did you bother coming to this darkened room with a projection screen/live performance just to catch up about your ex boyfriend's stupidity? Go get drunk at home and talk about your problems with a nice, uninterrupted iTunes session or Netflix rerun. I will give you the sideways stare, or shush you with no regrets. If the Devil exists and has as little mercy as suspected, I wouldn't be able to even do that.  

[SoftD] - 'She Smiled Sweetly' - The Rolling Stones

Between the Buttons is hardly a hard rocking Stones album such as the likes of Exile, but the pensive, softer, and even sad sound is a force to be reckoned with (if not wrestled with) none-the-less. This album was released in the UK and the US in 1967 as almost completely different albums. 'Let's Spend the Night Together' and 'Ruby Tuesday' appeared in the US release, with the latter going on to reach #1 on the charts.

You may remember 'She Smiles Sweetly' from The Royal Tenenbaums. It's the scene in the tent where Richie checks himself out of the hospital after attempting suicide and comes home to tell Margo he loves her. This song is the perfect soundtrack to this moment. 

Richie says, "I can't stop thinking about you. I went away for a year and it only got worse." And Mic, in turn sings, "Why do my thoughts bloom so large on me? / They seem to stay, for day after day / And won't disappear, I've tried every way."

It's never easy to let go of someone who touches you so deeply, especially if the love seems forbidden, or doomed in some way. I guess I chose this song today because I am trying to be a person who can smile sweetly without breaking someone's heart in the process.          

[SoftD] - 'Father Figure' - George Michael

In a dramatic turn from Tuesday's SoftD, today I felt compelled to listen to George Michael's epic album Faith. Specifically, 'Father Figure'. Like any good late 80's album, Faith is both overly-dramatic and fantastic, sexy yet serious, and full of lyrical quests for love and identity. George Michael seems to want to both teach and to be taught, and somehow the synthesizers blend in naturally with the soft, strong sound of his voice. 

In the late 80s and early 90s, George Michael ruled the MTV scene. Around that time I discovered that my taste in music was as much influenced by my need to rebel as my need to understand who or what I was rebelling against and why. Like most teenage girls, I spent my time filled with angst; anxious to hurry on through the process of being a child to being an adult, and reign in my emotional and sexual state of mind. On top of that, I had to let go of the main man in my life, my Dad, in order to make room for the men I would eventually date and love. 

It was a long and arduous process, and I spent years thinking I hated my Dad - writing countless, candlelit journal entries about it. When I discovered 'Father Figure', I wasn't trying to replace my father, but rather I envisioned being taken in by a man and taken care of. Ironically, much like my dad had been doing for years.

Maybe it's way too Freudian, but understanding George Michael's use of the term 'father figure' as an allegory for his hunt to find the kind of love and support you would have in that relationship, but this time in your lover sort of blew my mind. I'd like to think that my tiny hand will fit into his, whoever he may be, without having to bring my Dad into it, but let's get real. Every man I will ever date will inevitably have to contend with the fact that I've spent most of my life understanding men through understanding my Dad. Sorry ladies, but there it is. I'm even so much like him that I could be a goddamn father figure if someone needed me to be. But I digress. Get back to George Michael, and try not to think about Michael Cera when you do so.     

[SoftD] - 'Would?' - Alice in Chains

Today's Song of the Day (SoftD) is brought to you by Alice in Chains. Inspired by The AV Club's coverage of Jar of Flies, I brought 'Would?' back out of its sleepy place in my brain for today. This dramatic, hypnotic, and dare-I-say-sexy song closes Alice in Chains 1992 album, Dirt.

I was completely preoccupied with the rest of the grunge scene, listening to Nirvana and Pearl Jam mostly, and not quite into this kind of metal yet, so it took the movie Singles to get 'Would?' into my heart. I had seen Alice in Chains on MTV before Cameron Crowe forever implanted them in my canon, but the truth is, without that movie, I never would have explored them further. I have owned Singles on VHS and DVD, as well as the soundtrack on tape and CD - worn out and purchased again on both occasions. Truly a musical awaking for me.

Anyway, between Singles and Reality Bites, my precocious, romantic heart couldn't wait to get into my 20s and find my own true love. Seeing Steve and Linda meet at a truly amazing show in Seattle was like the coolest thing that could ever happen. I knew that was my destiny. That or marry Ethan Hawke. Note: Neither happened. Oh well.

This is a terrible pick up, but it makes Steve all the more adorable later when he and Linda fall in love. Plus,  we get to see amazing insight into Cliff's character. Please enjoy.

[Song of the Day] - 'Low' - Lewis

Lewis. Where the hell did you come from? This indie singer/songwriter has a great voice and a haunting sound - my favorite parts of making a hip hit. In her new song, "Low," Lewis invites you in to her world though real lyrics, heavy bass, a plucking piano that almost sounds like a banjo at first, and that voice! Oh, it's like honey on toast.

From one mess to another, check her out:

[Song of the Day] - 'All Night Long' - Lionel Richie

With my best friend Michael coming to town, I had to find a song that both expressed my happiness, and implied exhaustion. Starting tonight, we will be blasting around New York having as much fun as possible. Tomorrow is the Holi Hai Festival of Colors, which promises to be a messy, amazing dancing event in the streets, followed by 'Heathers: The Musical'. I've already seen it, and what can I say except, Corn nuts! Sunday is always a Fun Day, so who knows what will go down except a trip to Queens and epic brunch.

Anyway, back to the music. I chose Lionel Richie's 'All Night Long' because I have a feeling I will be up all night long, dancing in the street, which is what Lionel is all about. Happy Friday, dear readers, and try to have a party.

[Song of the Day] - 'Serve the Servants' - Nirvana

While I started out my day listening to the ladies, including St. Vincent and Tori Amos, ultimately, I found myself dying to hear 'Serve the Servants', the opening song from Nirvana's In Utero. 

I have many memories tied to this album, including my teenage musical awakening to bands like Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Archers of Loaf, Alice in Chains, Soundgarden (of which, Dave Grohl speaks of hearing 'Black Hole Sun' for the first time, and it's amazing). We poured hours into understanding this album - reading into lyrics, identifying with the anger and sadness, wishing to be Kurt's beloved, as if we could ease his distain. Indeed, my teenage angst has paid off well, and now I am bored and old. Or so it is told. 

The last time I listened to this album was on the eve of a break up. Put on by the bartender at one of my soon-to-be ex's favorite haunts. Too much whiskey and malaise, the sing-along pushed me over the edge and I knew it was over. Don't worry, I don't miss the comfort in being sad.       

So here we are, and whatever the reason, teen angst or adult unrest, today, May 1, deserves a little Nirvana love, and In Utero is doing the trick.  

[Song of the Day] - 'When Doves Cry' - Patti Smith Cover

I'm not suggesting that Patti Smith's version of 'When Doves Cry' is better than the original, especially without a proper video to accompany it, but I thought it deserved a little love. Give it a listen. Is this what it sounds like when doves cry?

Also, here's Prince, because obviously.

[Song of the Day] - 'Old & Gray' - Maps & Atlases

Today's Song of the Day is brought to you by Maps & Atlases. 'Old & Gray' appears on their 2012 album Beware & Be Grateful. At its most basic, this tune interweaves a narrative of loss and love, with vivid imagery of missing the person that, at one time, you built a life with. With layers that sit like rings on a tree, Maps & Atlases reveal a relationship that feels real and relatable. Despite the overcast of an end, the song manages to lack bitterness, and without holding on to hope, it still seems to offer it. The high and low pitch of lead guitarist and vocalist Dave Davison, complete with the drifting guitar riffs, haunting violin and occasional piano interludes, tie nicely with the theme, and remind me of the intrinsic sound of the band - seemingly hollow and hallow at the same time.   

Please enjoy, and remember, when you are old and gray, I hope that someone holds you the way I would.    

Album Review: Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr., 'The Speed of Things'

If you are at all familiar with Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr., than you are likely already enthralled with the complex combination of danceable beats, jazz instrumentation, heavy guitar, sometimes heart-sick-but-still-optimistic lyrics, and the clever under-layer of hip-hop harshness that make up their sound. Characteristically apparent in their sophomore release, 'The Speed of Things', DE Jr. Jr. manages to maintain the aforementioned sound, along with their well-known and admired Indie pop sensibilities, true talent, and rough-around-the-edges youthfulness. They've certainly matured as a band, including adding new member Jon Visger on keys and guitar. But don't worry, they haven't outgrown wearing matching outfits.    

As with 'It's a Corporate World', there are some inconsistencies in the tone and style of the songs album-wide, but I find the more I listen, and get to see them play live, the more I like the former dark horse contenders for favorite song. For example, for some reason it took me a long time to really locate and appreciate "We Almost Lost Detroit" from the debut album, and now that song is closer to an anthem for me. So it goes with 'The Speed of Things'. It's not all happy-go-lucky 80's pop - there are some serious lyrical turns, some slower jams, and voice-play that leave the listener curious about what lies beneath the hood of these Detroit rockers that seem to have them feeling melancholy, yet ready to dance.

I have a few immediate favorites on 'The Speed of Things' - some songs that stand out as too catchy not to hear on repeat, such as "Don't Tell Me", "Run", and the first single, "If You Didn't See Me (Then You Weren't on the Dancefloor)". Others are slowly making headway into my "need to hear again immediately" list. A few of those newcomers such as "Knock Louder", "Hiding" and "A Haunting" are lyrically a bit more morose, so I didn't jump on them as quickly because honestly, I wanted to savor the upbeat tempo of the sugary pop hits. However, don't assume those songs fail to address serious subject matter too. "Run" and "War Zone" both mix metaphorical instances of love in the time of war (and a saxophone on the latter) while getting the listener into a danceable headspace.

This sense of duality is due in part to the varying talent and taste within frontmen Josh Epstein and Daniel Zott. While their particular cohabitation of interchangeable lead and backing vocals makes DE Jr. Jr. more engaging to get to know, it also makes them an easy target for critics who prefer the likes of Tears for Fears rather than Hall & Oates when seeking bands who feature duo leads. I prefer Hall & Oates anyway, they have slid into a classic sound cloud, and I imagine DE Jr. Jr. will get there too.

There's too much talent within the rest of the band (including the especially adorable drummer Mike Higgins) to back up the brilliance of the lead vocalists to see them fade away anytime soon. 'The Speed of Things' is just as agreeable for easy listening as it is for throwing a dance party. Friendship with Josh notwithstanding, I give it a 4 out of 5 stars.

If you get a chance, see them on this tour. I got to see them twice in as many weeks recently, and it helped to better understand some of the complexities not immediately apparent when listening to the album. What set list you get will depend greatly on the line-up of the show (i.e. if they are the opener or the headliner), and maybe on the mood of the band too. It's much more fun for them to play the danceable hits if they can sense that the audience wants to get down, and it gives Josh and excuse to jump into the crowd. I like it just fine whatever they feel like singing, as no matter what, they balance their ballads with their beats and it's guaranteed to be a fun time. Here's hoping they continue to cover Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody".

Tour dates are available here. If they are not coming your way, check out the video below for a slight nod to the Beastie Boys and a great play on words.

Images via Dale Earnhardt Jr. Jr.

Stepping Through My Shadow

I'm in the midst of a love affair with Tool; an ongoing and long, torrid affair, at that. It's not like this is new to me, I've been a Tool fan for a long time, but right now, all I want to do is sink into the darkness that surrounds this mind-blowing band and step through on the other side of the shadow. 

What's weird about this darkness is the lack of depression found here. I am comforted instead. I am motivated. I am incredibly turned on. I am reminded of friends who have come and gone who loved this place too. I dream of this kind of peace - where you know that the pieces fit and that you can come out whole again. Where the high-octane bass attaches itself to my bones, and because they are hollow, borrows the path to the rest of me. The troubling treble finds solace in my mind, and I can't help but close my eyes and sing. Sing. I do not sing unless alone, but when in love with Tool, I want to sing everywhere. 

Nothing rewards the heart like knowing that you can take a moment to try and trade it all in for a little peace of mind. Sometimes, I'd give anything for that little space, and Tool gives it to me. With Tool, I can manifest my fears and release them from hatred onto a path of forgiveness. What other band offers that kind of freedom? Critics claim that Tool's debut album Undertow has a "nihilistic yet wistful mood," which may be why I relate to the band in general. I'm no nihilist, but life is a constant stream of existential crises that require looking into the depths of nothing in order to find something. 

How's that for deep? Seriously though, when the need for self-exploration presents itself, a soundtrack of Tool suites the journey. Aenima allows for a new bass exploration with a new member of Tool, but does not disappoint my bones. Both the original "Push It" and the slow jam version that appears on the box set Salival, is heartbreaking. The kind of sadness that you must recover from in order to ever love again. The duality faced in this album allows your existential crisis room to traverse both your dark side and your light side and come out as your true Jedi-self. Maynard believes in redemption, and you can too.

Once you listen to these two epic albums, be sure to pay homage to early EP Opiate, to fall head over heels into "Part of Me" and the title piece, "Opiate", as well as later albums Lateralus and 10,000 Days. Those albums came out in the days in which Tool toured extensively again, and I wish I had been able to find myself in the crowd at one of those shows with my friends that did. Though Tool is not interested in posting their albums for free listening on sights like Spotify, Rdio, or even iTunes, you can often find several of the complete albums on YouTube, which makes my day when I am sitting idle and have no access to my iPod and need to immerse myself to come through whatever shadow is lurking. Don't tell Maynard though, he is pretty avid in his fight to keep the profits of being a musician with the music makers.     

If you're not sold on this, try out this adorable and amazing video of really talented kids covering "Forty-Six & Two." The whole band will blow your mind, but goddamn if the bass player doesn't give me more hope that we can - and will - survive all shadows. 

Hate Song

The A.V. Club has this brilliant feature called Hate Song in which they "ask our favorite musicians, writers, comedians, actors, and so forth to expound on the one song they hate most in the world." Yeah, I know, right? And it is just as amazing as masturbating to a hate fuck fantasy in which you are the one who is hated.   

I have a multitude of Hate Songs (far fewer hate fucks, thankfully), but there is one song that I literally want to run screaming from the room every time it comes on. And that is Digital Underground's "Humpty Dance". I can't even. 

I don't remember the first time I heard it, but I know that when I lived in Asheville, NC and regularly attended 80's Night on Wednesdays at Broadways that I always left the dance floor when this horse shit came on. It makes me angry to even think about. 

I didn't even know most of the lyrics until just now when I looked them up. This dude is actually kind of funny - a complete misogynist, but funny. Seriously, the sound of this song immediately draws a scowl to my face and I can't help but send a stink eye to whence it came.

If I ever get married and have a DJ at the party, if he played this song (or anything by The Jackson Five), I would probably rip the very expensive veil out of my hair and choke him with it.    

AroarA - "In the Pines" EP Review & Interview

AroarA, a Canadian husband and wife duo comprised of Andrew Whiteman (Broken Social Scene) and Ariel Engle (Land of Kush), bring us a most exquisite debut entitled “In the Pines”. This EP, available now on the artist website, is part of a forthcoming album, an adaptation of Alice Notley’s book of poems of the same name. Each song corresponds with one of the poems and contains words and phrases in the lyrics.

If the E.P. is any indication, the release of the full-length album is sure to be as intimate and haunting. Everything on this 5-song “ballad” is sweet and sad, as if it exists on the periphery, in some other dream-like place that only the poet could have imagined and these musicians could have personified.

BUST is no stranger to this little group, as AroarA stopped by the BUST SXSW Party to play at The Pussy Palace. 

Following up their friendly nature, AroarA kindly spoke to me about the inspiration behind creating this album. Andrew shared his love of the poetry’s sense of self-discovery through confrontation, and how while reading Alice’s work, he felt pulled in by her folky, bluesy voice. As Andrew and Ariel are not, in fact, folk musicians, perhaps tackling the conversion of Alice’s work into song would help him follow a similar journey of self-discovery?

“There is a strong 'gothic' element in the work, and after a while, it occurred to me that 'In The Pines" might be converted back into folk music. What would that music sound like filtered through the words of a woman who is a feminist, a lifelong poet, and a radical in her choices?” The process started with Andrew pulling phrases and words from the poems to build traditional folk songs. Once about 10 or so songs had been written, Ariel and Andrew began to add music to the lyrics. To be sure they were doing the poetry justice, the pair assembled a sample of songs and sent them to Alice. With the poet’s blessing, and acknowledgement that AroarA had built something all their own, thus an album was born.

“We considered ourselves working somewhat in a traditional manner.  So we put constraints on how we made the songs and what instruments and textures to use,” said Andrew. This included “recording in our living room and at our friend’s cottage.”

The folky, homey feel of the recording combined with the cigar box guitar-style, and the way the duo’s voices share the space of the songs makes you want to sink into a big hammock next to the river and drink whiskey late into the April afternoon sun. And doesn’t that sound like a place under the pines to seek and find?

Originally posted on BUST.com